The Witching Hour

I hate midnight. I hate being awake at midnight when I’m alone and there are drunk people outside loudly attempting to waltz. All the booming drunken guffaws with their breathy giggle counterparts, catching on burps and cigarette smoke…it’s painful. It makes me feel horribly guilty for all of my drunken shenanigans.

Trying to hide behind curtains while peering through the gap in them is hard. Impossible really. Luckily these people are oblivious.

The waltz has devolved into…I don’t even know. Vague circles that stretch into ovals and then snap shut. I don’t know what you’d call that, except for maybe stupid. Very, very stupid.

I enjoy listening to these people talk. I like hearing their words stumble over each other and collapse before the sentence is complete.

I’m going to pretend now that I have an actual alcohol tolerance, because if I don’t I’ll start to feel something vaguely like shame. No, my hand has never gotten confused and chucked my cell phone at a glass of hard cider, submerging said phone in the cider’s bubbly depths. And it definitely did not do that twice in one evening.

The couple is in the building now, climbing the stairs to the top floor. I can hear them walk down the hallway, with their irregular weaving steps. I can hear a door slam shut, and then, for the hundredth time this month, I can hear the creaking springs of the bed upstairs.

Seriously, this girl needs a hobby. I might destroy her otherwise.

Squeak. Squeak. Squeak squeak. Squeeeak.

I need some tea.

Maturity

...is when, faced with a paper tablecloth and a cup full of crayons, you and a friend decide to debate whether writing "THIS IS ART!!" does, in fact, constitute art.

Then you roll up the tablecloth and take it with you when you leave.

(I wish I had a picture of this masterpiece in its entirety, as it was sheer brilliance. Particularly the drawing of George Costanza/Ghandi.)

(Also, Roma's, I apologize for acting like a precocious third-grader...but sometimes it just needs to be done.)

Don't Blame Me, She's the One Who Sucks

A certain blogger of questionable quality has deemed me her mortal enemy, and is apparently planning to exact revenge. However, this blogger would like to state, for the record, that she considers her status as the blogger-lacking-in-quality's enemy a compliment. Also, she plans to exact her revenge first, with an unprecedented level of vengeyness.

And while it is true that I am utterly lacking in fighting experience, I will make up for it in passion. Ranting Non-Pacifist is the six-fingered man to my Inigo Montoya, and she should prepare to die - in a figurative sense, that is. I mean, I don't really want her to die. I like feeling superior, and she's good for that.

So. Yeah. We're enemies now, and shit is going to go down.

Also, happy thanksgiving.

Too Early In the Day to Be So Ridiculous

Woman looking at audio books: I don't want cassettes. They go flying everywhere at night and you can never find them in the morning.

What?

Middle-aged woman in valley girl voice: Do you have any books on, like, butterflies...or dreams? Like a coffee table book? Something pretty, like with angels?

Well gag me with a sequin-encrusted fairy wing.

For Christ's sake, who are these people? Why do they plague me so? When will they stop?

Fly with the cassettes; dance with the butterflies; just leave me be. I can't deal with you morons anymore.