Pretentious Regular, Reading Back Cover of Son of a Witch: "Saint Glinda? God. Those goddamn Christians are gettin into everything.
Pretentious Regular's mother: It's those goddamn missionaries.
Regular: That's exactly right. The missionaries. God damn missionaries.
Me, thinking: I love it when people trash religion while invoking the Lord's name simultaneously. The fact that Son of a Witch is about, like, a witch, makes this so much funnier.
Regular's mother: You know, most of the apostles had whores.
Regular, turning to me: St. Francis had a whore.
Me: Which one?
Regular: What do you mean?
Me: I mean, which Francis - Xavier or Assisi?
Regular, after a long, uncomfortable pause: Both, I think.
Me: That's interesting. Which of the apostles?
Regular: Francis.
Me: But they weren't apostles, were they?
Regular's mother: They sure were!
Me, annoyed: I don't think so. I went to Catholic school, we had to study this.
Regular: Well, whatever.
Me: ...Right.
And then they scampered away like the whore-deficient non-saints they are.
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4 comments:
Sam,
Why do so many people let their "mouth runneth over" so often?
I'm all for believing humility is important, but you MUST print, frame, and hang that on a prominent wall in your home (or perhaps even the store?!?!). That is too unbelievably wonderful to let go. It may serve multiple purposes. Self appreciation. Allowing friends to congratulate you on such a wonderful encounter. But, perhaps more importantly, as a warning visitors: Please refrain from speaking unless some modicum of knowledge on the subject is already had!
Josh
P.S. Out of curiosity ... I just looked at "Wicked" and "Son of a Witch" ... Why would one get from reading a single line about a character getting healed at a "Cloister of Saint Glinda" to "Those goddamn Christians are getting into everything?"
*sigh*
you can't get a different job, you know. even if you really want to. this one is too full of opportunities like this to comment on the sheer idiocy of people.
*sigh* The burdens I shoulder for you people...
This is AWESOME! I'm so jealous-seems like I never have the appropriate biting intelligent comment at the ready when I need it. However, your sarcasm pistol is always cocked and with the safety off. Love it!
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