Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What I’ve Learned This Post-Christmas Vacation—So Far

1. “Dayton has suffered its first double-homicide of the year” is the most depressing sentence in the world.

2. There is an entire television show in which second-rate celebrities pretend to be retail or food-service slaves, and say “I get that a lot” every time someone cries, “holy crap, you totally look like a second-rate celebrity.”

3. Lean Pockets are repulsive.

4. A shocking number of people do not secure their wireless networks.

5. Some people think I need to lose weight. Some people think I’m too skinny. Apparently, I have two options: be a trophy, or be a typical southern Ohio resident. Both of those options suck, and actually aren’t really options, since I’m pretty sure I’m stuck with my own damn metabolism. Alas.

6. I have no upper-body strength. My arm is still sore from playing Wii—although, in my defense, I did spend hours stubbornly trying to beat my power throw bowling score.

7. If I lived here, I wouldn’t do anything—just sink into my rapidly-expanding body and cuddle my Wii console as I gave way to a sugar coma, with the strains of country-pop bouncing in the background and lending amusing contrast to my pathetic situation.

8. I’m really just not that interesting. Hopefully that changes and I can write something semi-not-completely-dull soon.

29 comments:

Ranting Pacifist said...

Ah, Sam. It really took you over 20 years to realize you have no upper body strength? You are a girlie girl.

Dillo said...

YC,
I enjoyed your prose. Unique sense of humor and life perspective. Keep it up!

justagirl said...

I've only just discovered your blog and followed immediately. You have a very clever way of writing and your sense of humor makes things a great deal funnier to read.

mysterygirl said...

what do you mean your not interesting?! you clearly are! I am definitely going to follow you!

zuzula said...

Anything interesting yet? ;)

A Convicted Heart said...

# 4. That's entirely too true. Up to 74% of wireless network administrators fail to properly secure their network.*

*This might or might not be a made-up statistic.

Chronos said...

97% of statistics are made up on the spot.

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crazy ramblings of a tired mom said...

We all relize that our upper body strength sucks once that Wii controller enters our hands. Your not alone.

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Jocelyn said...

Hey Sam. This is Jocelyn. We were in sixth and seventh grade together. I believe we may have been Facebook friends, but I deactivated my Facebook and refuse to log back into it, so I may never know. I considered writing this message with terrible grammar in order to annoy you, but then I was worried you wouldn't get the joke.

Youthful Curmudgeon said...

Hey! I'd have gotten the joke, but only if you'd still identified yourself--otherwise I'd be pissed. I don't blog here anymore really, but can be found (as Paprika) at ppbloggers.wordpress.com.

Also, how on earth are you? Where are you? You should e-mail me or something, yo.

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